ok so i am not back with the as promised plan of attack for 2008 but to tell you the truth i feel a bit stupid making bold statements about getting to goal by X date etc etc i should have been at goal in like july last year i think. Don’t get me wrong i am full committed and going quite well but i just don’t feel like making those statements.

I’m PTing today with the Kelstar and i might get her to do measurements if we have time to see where i am at. I am so over my period at the moment this is day 11 i can’t believe it i think i almost have it beat but i thought that on monday too.

I am starting to get more organised i got a diary yesterday which i am going to use for my social life and for work. What is it about me that thinks ‘if i get sacked will i have to give work my diary that i paided $10 for coz i use it for work and social’ Fuck i am retarded sometimes my work probably don’t even know i have a diary!!!!

I am feeling very anxious lately i think it is because going back to work is pending sometimes i feel like i was back there so i would have to be anxious about going back. Also there is the boy issue. Lets start by saying i am crap at relationships.

Everything is on his terms

I am a hopeless romantic who loves love. The boy not the same

He drinks too much and parties too hard it doesn’t fit with my healthy lifestyle

I really don’t know how he feels about me. I jump straight in i want love, romance commitment and all that shit upfront.

I really like spending time with him but it’s the other time the away time that leaves me anxious and confused.

I don’t know whether to just focus on me and my training, my tafe course and my work or to give it a chance and see where it goes. Also how will i have a relationship when i am back at work? Gym before and after work and LONG work hours and family????

I know what i have to do i know i have to say ‘ Hey what are your intentions?’ Well maybe i will work on the wording a bit.

Also maybe i shouldn’t double up at the gym i’ve been reading the eat clean diet by Tosca Reno and she says the body beautiful is 80% Nutrition 10% Genetics and 10% Training. Of the 90% i can focus on i would say i have been doing 60% Training and 40% Nutrition lately and i think that Tosca is so right because when i had my biggest loses i was 90% Nutrition and 10% training i was just walking.

SHAME FILE - I am back on the diet coke but need to get off it last one was lunch time yesterday (i needed quick sugar almost fainted in Kmart). My skin is really taking a battering i am back on the pro active so i should see an improvement but i haven’t diet coke gotta go.

Tosca also says to drink your coffee black something i think would save me a few calories for sure and probably reduce my caffine intake by more than half i am going go give it a go. Coffee and we all know is one of my vices. I keep getting this voice in the back of my head saying you have to change something you have to trying something new something different to start shifting the weight again. I haven’t had herbal teas in ages need to do that again. Funny how we rest on our laurels and forget the things that made us successful in the first place.

Ok well soon i must go and train hard with the Kel. I’m going to sauna for 10 mins afterward too have a nice shower (as nice as a shower as you can have at FF) and see if my mummy wants to hook up for a coffee at the fig.

Ciao Bellas