First of all let me have a whinge about me having an ear / throat infection. Ouch it hurts to swallow and i can’t wear my headphones in case my head explodes.

OK now that that is done i am kinda slowly realising that i have to modify my life a bit.  For the last six - eight  months i have done an ordinary job of losing weight i’m the first to admit it and it wasn’t like  i was lazy in that time sometimes i would spend 2 hours plus a day at the gym of course i was eating like a mule so that didn’t help.

anyway in the last 2 months lots has changed i have my wonderful man now who i love very much and even my pessimistic outlook can’t kill of the relationship so i have decided to just go with it. I have also started cert III in fitness which is a bit overwhelming 2 nights a week and i’m pretty sure it will cut into most weekends. So i’m working on a new schedule for life. The main thing is to not stress about anything. Whatever happens happens.

My plan is this to gym it 3 times a week

Monday PM RPM

Wednesday PM Cycle and

Friday PM Pump or running and weights

Tuesday and thursday nights are for tafe

Monday night for recovery (last night a romantic dinner of grilled seafood while watching some boat leave the city)

Sat and sunday for spending with my family and friends and my man who fits right into my family. Sometimes this will mean a gym session, a walk or a run or a swim sometimes it will just mean chillin with the people i love.

With the diminshed amount of exercise i will be doing nutrition will become key. Which i think will help coz from my own experience and from reading Tosca i know that nutrition is 80% of losing weight.

I have the strangest relationship with food. Why is it as fatties or former fatties we can’t eat anything ‘bad’ infront of anyone but then get home and binge and eat twice to three times the amount that we would have if we had just eaten 1 serve of the bad food in the social situation. I’m really concious of this at the moment and trying to put each situation into context.

far out i am buggered

doing tafe at night’s seemed like a good idea at the time. When you actually have to leave work early catch a dreaded bus and spend 4 hours there then catch a bus and train home you start to think why am i doing this.

Ok whinge over tafe will be good we have started to get into the actual work and it is interesting and challenging i’ve never done science or anatomy before so i am well out of my comfort zone.

I need to plan my food better last night i ate 1 nectarine and 1 banana before class. A handful of wasabi peas at the break and the small lolly bag from the student association on the bus home. NOT a good way to fuel my body and of course i have nothing planned for today. Must remember WW 101 planning is key.

weight is going ok i think really need to weigh myself

sexy cycle class this arvo then home to do mounting dishes, cook dinner (tacos) and do some kind of planning for tomorrow.

hi crew

i feel far more normal today and everything is right in my world. i think i was suffering from PMS or PMT or whatever you call it.

Have had a tops start to today

fruit smoothie consisting of 1 cup fruit salad, 1 scoop lady bird protein powder and 1 cup skim milk.

Also 1 slice of toast coz i love carbs. I’m going to have either sushi or a subway salad for lunch and do RPM at 5.30pm  and have chicken and rice for tea.

no no i don’t

lucky my mumsy doesn’t read this blog she would think it’s all her fault (and mumsy it’s not you are great).

So getting right down to it, had a little difference of opinion last night with the boy we were at the pub and i wanted to go and he didn’t i left he stayed. He starts work at 3am and normally gives me a call in the morning and comes to my place after work around 1pm. No call by 11am after i have sent him a MMS pic of the Roses he got me for valentines day blooming so i think ok i’ll be the bigger person and call him and he doesn’t answer so i call him again and he doesn’t answer i call him all day and he doesn’t answer. Of course i jump to conclusions and think that it’s all over he has had enough of me and my constant whinging about him going to the pub has worn him down and he has decided it isn’t worth it and he can’t even tell me this. I spend the day an emotional wreck crying, writing myself letters about how i am strong and i will get over it and him and all the positive things about me, giving myself time to grieve etc. Anywhoo i decide that i need closure and that he will have to tell me that he hates me in order for me to move on with my life so i give him another call this time he answers. He has been asleep all day with his phone on silent and didn’t go to work because he was sick (this is legit he has a wisdom tooth issue that really needs to be pulled out but this is another story). I just feel like the biggest loser i always over react, fly off the handle, think the worst i am the biggest doomsdayer ever. I just don’t think that anyone could love me and i am cautious of anyone who claims to love me i think well why you must have an alterior motive and then i create this weird self fulfilling prophacy and be a total bitch to drive them away i guess till i get what i want that feeling that no you dont love me. Worst thing is that today when i thought that it was all over i missed him terribly i just wanted one last chance. Maybe now that all is ok it will serve me well to remember how i felt today.

When when when will i overcome these feelings of worthlessness you know i thought that it would disappear when i lost 40kg but it didn’t and i don’t think these feelings will disappear after 50kg i think that i need to do some work on me. I just don’t know where to start

Well so far no good i haven’t heard from my man yet!!!!

but on the upside i did get a fling from peeps at the train station, i leave it up to you dear readers whether or not it was a quicky in the city rail loos or a chocolate bar…

I have lost my passion for training

i can’t really believe it but i have i’m not inspired to go to the gym and even less so to go to group fitness classes! I went to the gym this morning did a 25 min (level 9)  run 5 min cool down and that was it i didn’t feel great afterwards i thought i would but i didn’t.

I’m just going to work through it try and go to the gym in the morning every morning monday to friday till i get my mojo back

Ok the boy just called so that is sweet  all good in the world of love

went to my orientation for tafe last night. BORING i am excited to start the course but last night was boring stuff like "if you don’t attend class and you fail your exams you wont be able to resit the exam" DER!!!!

ok off to work now

Mwah happy love day

So far not so good

Exactly one month till Noosa and since i announced the start of project buff for noosa everything has been shit. I haven’t counted calories (not that i think i have eaten too much) i just haven’t really cared and i didn’t gym wednesday or thursday. Wednesday i had work stress and thursday i just needed a day where i wasn’t loaded up with all my gym bags etc etc. Today is a new day and i’ve started well with a good breakfast.

2 Slices 9 grain bread with 4 slices light ham and 1 tablespoon low fat cottage cheese and tomato. I am now sipping on a 500ml Orange juice for 2 reasons i am still recovering from my flu and i am craving sugar. The good news is that it is already documented in my food diary.

I am going to body pump tonight with my mumsy she is going really well with her exercise. So is my sister who is becoming a gym bunny addict. I am so proud of both of them they are doing so well.

Love life is going so so so so so so so so so so good

anyway better go heaps of work to do to get ready for the weekend.

Love Dylan

in a little over a month i am going to noosa for a week with the boy to meet his parents. So i want to look as buff as possible. I am going hard core to buff up as much as possible. I will ask my sister to post some progress pics and and my measurements tomorrow

enjoy the journey

I haven’t written anything on here for ages. I guess i haven’t had anything to write and still don’t really.

Life has been hectic i’m back at work, training, dieting spending time with my family and my man and i’m finding it tough to keep it all together and feel like i am doing a half a*sed job at everything. In saying that on the weekend i sorted a few things out and will use this week as a re organising week.

This morning i have been to Body pump and have eaten a healthy breakfast of weetbix and fruit (with full fat milk though, i forgot my not fat milk and work only had full cream).

I’ve got healthy snacks (banana and air popped pop corn and herbal teas) and i’m going to document it in journal too. Tracking has always been sucessful for me sometimes i wonder why i don’t do it ALL the time.

I’m looking for balance in all areas of my life at the moment

I’m only going to do one gym session per day. If i want to do more exercise i will go running with my man or on my own. Training twice a day doesn’t serve me well and running is always the last exercise i will do even though i feel excellent after i do it.

The love bug has hit me hard and after being apprehensive about my relationship it’s going really good and i am in love ladies. Though we both agree that we were spending too much time together and maybe we need to slow things down a touch.

I also want to get through reading all my Tosca reno books and really make the full commitment to eating clean and i so need to get my stuff sorted by friday the 15th of Feb coz that is when my TAFE course starts and i want to be on top of it. Doing a course at my age i don’t want to bugger around like i did when i went to uni i want to be one of those nerds that does all the reading and finishes assignments before they are due.

I missed the start of the big shows last night (biggest loser and so you think you can dance) coz i was at the movies seeing Cloverfield it was alright i quite enjoyed it. We had free tickets it’s not something i would go and see at the movies ordinarily but it wasn’t at all as bad as i thought it would be.

I’m working on my finances too coz i’m sick of being broke all the time this is another thing i don’t really like to look at coz it’s too depressing but i really have to start taking responsibility for my spending and make some tough decisions. work out a budget and stick to it.

OK off to do some work now plenty of that waiting for me.

NOTE: I can’t weigh myself coz my boss stole the work scales ((( Will have to do a shopping centre effort